All parents want to bring smiles on their children’s faces. They try to make them confident in their abilities, but sometimes, without realizing, their attitude rises opposite reaction. Struggling too much to make their life easier, may actually complicate things.
When my youngest son asks me to stand by him while he plays the piano and some few mistakes discourage him I am about to say: “Come on, this is easy, you can do it”, because the song seems easy from my perspective. But if I give a second thought, I realize that these words will make him feel helpless. And I don’t want that, I want to encourage him in order to raise his self-esteem and keep playing. So, try to think more to the words you are using when talking to your children. There are three attitudes that destroy your children’s self-esteem that you should avoid as much as possible:
- Telling them that what they are attempting is easy
What may seem easy to you is sometimes hard for a child. Don’t forget that they still learning and they don’t have the life experience that you have. If you say to your children that a task is easy to be completed you will not encourage them, because they will think that something is wrong with them if they are not able to accomplish an easy thing. They are discouraged and they give up. It is more indicated to tell them: “This can be tough or it may be difficult.” This method will help them to try harder in order to succeed. When they have completed the task you may raise their self-confidence if you let them know that you appreciate their effort.
- Doing things instead of your children
You don’t help your children if you always do what they have to do immediately after they give up. When something seems difficult for them and they ask for your help, better try to guide them from shadow. Break the task into smaller steps and advice them how to deal with each stage. Children like to do things on their own and they are satisfied and proud of themselves when they accomplish something. They will have the opportunity to feel the personal satisfaction of completing the task on their own and their self-esteem will soar.
- Going mad for the children’s faults
Children have to evolve and they cannot do this without learning from their mistakes. Parents usually want to protect their children and consider that mistakes are very harmful. That’s why they show their dissatisfaction or even go mad when their children are wrong. But if you want to protect them all the times, they will not gain life experience and this will cripple them for life. Faults help children grow and even if they stumble and fall and sometimes this hurts, they will gain the wisdom to handled problems in a healthy way. They have to realize when they are wrong and try to find methods to solve the problem. This will make them responsible adults.